Wow. How can I start this without first pointing out the embarrassing fact that I haven't posted in over a month. After graduation, Christmas, and my birthday, you would think that I would finally have more time to devote to blogging; however, I have been straight up, hands down lazy.
I'm really optimistic about this year, though. I'm taking a break from school before I start working towards my Master's degree, I've been working out (almost) every day after work, and I'm finally in a place where no one gets put before my friends, my family, or myself (i.e. I'm not dating, seeing, or "talking to" anyone right now, and it feels kind of amazing).
While I may be a little late with this post (19 days to be exact), these are my resolutions for 2015:
1. BE UNCOMFORTABLE
Honestly, this will probably be the hardest resolution for me to stick to. I am a creature of comfort; I love to be comfortable, I live to be comfortable. This goes way beyond my nightly bubble baths and memory foam mattress, however. My comfort zone includes everything from my job, my circle of friends, my parent's house, my hometown, and basically my whole entire life.
I'm well aware of the fact that nothing will change unless I do, which means that if I want to experience new people, places and things, then I will have to "be the change [I] wish to see in the world". This scares me. This makes me uncomfortable.
I will not allow myself to go to grad school in the same town I received my bachelor's degree, I will not allow myself to live with my parents until I'm 24, and I will not restrict myself from going after what I truly want in life. I want to travel, I want to see and experience new things, I want to be uncomfortable.
2. BE HEALTHY
I've actually been doing pretty well with this so far. This resolution encompasses more than just working out and eating better, though. I want this to be a physical, mental,and emotional thing too.
Physically, like I mentioned above, I've been working out roughly 4 days a week after work and trying to drink less sodas. Sparkling flavored water has been my savior the past few weeks, so definitely give that stuff a try if you're addicted to the sweet, sweet burn of carbonation.
Mentally, I'm getting more comfortable with the idea that I need to start seeing someone about my anxiety, which has really skyrocketed over the past year or so. It's gotten to the point where I'm just so used to my heart racing and my body trembling that I've started to brush it off as typical, but in order to truly be healthy this year, I'm prepared to face my issues head on.
Finally, I'm trying to be more emotionally healthy this year. No more putting up with guys who only seem to be interested in me the minute I lose interest in them, no more hoping that certain people will magically transform into someone who's right for me, and no more settling for people that I know, deep down, aren't right for me and the life that I want for myself. This does not sound fun, this does not sound exciting, but it does sound responsible. I'm not saying that I'm looking for Mr. Right, but I do want to avoid Mr.Wrong (Mr.Maybe is still worth a shot though).
3. LOSE BAGGAGE
This probably falls under the emotional health thing I just talked about, but I need to let go of a lot of things before I can move forward in my life. I'm still hung up on all sorts of people that need to just get lost somewhere other than the back of my mind and the perimeters of my heart. People that have moved on that I'm somehow still clinging to because a small part of me is incredibly relentless and refuses to let go. I have this fantasy that somehow, moving away will make all of these transparent connections to my past finally disappear once and for all, but with things like Facebook and Instagram, we can never really escape without fully taking ourselves off the grid.
Long story short, the only solution is just get over it. Delete them from my contacts, hide them on my Facebook timeline, and try not to flip out every time I discover that someone I once merely held hands with is getting married. Chill, Jessica. Chill.
4. BE PROUD
All to often I find myself dismissing my hobbies or accomplishments as stupid, shallow, or trivial in order to avoid coming across as boastful or arrogant. People ask me what my blog is about and I scrunch up my face and warn them that it's "super girly and dumb" because I talk about makeup and other things that aren't centered around current events or making a political statement.
I belittle myself in conversations where people ask me about my future career plans because I feel inferior to what I see other people doing with their own lives. I do want to be an elementary school guidance counselor, and I do think that it's a very important job that I know I can be successful in.
I need to own up to the fact that my life is not a complete train wreck like I often make it out to be. It's ok for me to be proud of myself and want to share it with the rest of the world.
On that note, my first post on College Fashion went up the week before last, and my next post is coming up this Thursday (1/22), so click here to check it out!